NEW BERLIN, WI [ JG ]  My son’s Christmas… I mean… Neo-Pagan Winter Solstice celebrational pageant is scheduled for this evening.

He plays one of about eight hundred and fifty reindeer, all dressed identically in their brown shirts and antlers.  I’ll be in the crowd, waving frantically at the three dozen or so that I’m certain are probably him.

He’ll be scanning the auditorium filled with a few thousand parents all dressed identically in their green and gold winter Packer coats.  And antlers.  He’ll wave at a few dozen other adults before finally spotting the guy he’s certain is me.  It’ll actually be the school janitor, who he’ll sing toward all night.

This happens every year.

The other thing that happens is that the Christmas… dammit, I did it again… the Neo-Pagan Winter Solstice dramatic presentation becomes more and more politically correct, with the traditional “Joy to the World”-type messages replaced with guilt-ridden left-wing environmental activism.

This year’s play is entitled “My Parents Suck Because They Drove Here in an SUV”.  Okay, that’s not entirely true, but this next part is.  The plot of the play involves Santa re-tooling his sleigh into a hybrid.

Really.

If you’re like me (and really, try not to be, but if you are) you likely realize that St. Nick already had a perfectly fine alternative-fuel powered vehicle that ran on hay and magic, and went from zero to a gazillion MPH in like a micro-second.

I can’t speak to its EPA compliance, but if it’s anything like the horse-drawn carriages downtown, Santa’s old sleigh was definitely not a zero-emissions vehicle, but so what?

Incidentally, I have it on good authority that all the counter-arguments to this ludicrous Greenpace commercial have already been thought up and presented by the bulk of my boy’s fifth grade class.  So here’s a question for the author and choreographers of this ridiculous propaganda:  Are YOU smarter than a fifth grader?

Apparently not…

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