Featured On: MyFoxMilwaukee

Hey, I invented this disease, so I get to name it:. Roughly, it means we suffer from the circulation of too much irony in our system. Below are some recent pathogens, with a few inert fillers for added flavor:

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All We are Say-yay-ying…
…is give peace a — ah, who we kiddin’?

This past week, peace-loving protesters in downtown Milwaukee have worked in earnest to drive home the message that war is little more than senseless violence leading to the wanton destruction of property. In doing so, a few of their representatives have gotten themselves arrested for engaging in senseless acts of violence leading to the wanton destruction of property.

Wow, that IS offensive. This time, they’ve gone too far. Think of the children…

I was surprised to see this story was even being covered in the Journal-Sentinel, until I read that newspaper vending boxes had been destroyed in the ruckus. Howzabout that, hey?

I’m pretty sure that these crimes became noteworthy the second they started costing the Journal company money…

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Am I Pro-Doyle Now? Ghaa…!

Reading this story about Governor Jim Doyle going toe-to-toe with the Sierra Club was not unlike watching a Vikings / Bears game, where I find my pre-disposition AGAINST both sides in the struggle makes it almost impossible for me to cheer either team to victory. At least in a football game, I’d get to see both entities occasionally kicking each other in the junk. There’s no similar satisfaction out of our state capitol, though.

Somebody remind me again why we stopped settling political disputes with pistol duels…

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No Punchline Needed

You might already be aware that Good Friday was canceled in these parts last week, due to an act of God. That’s (Al)mighty funny…

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Okay, I’m Officially Old…
…but my eyes aren’t THAT bad. Yet.

Just saw a commercial and thought, “Wow, Elvira cleans up nice” but that was followed quickly by the realization that the Mistress of the Dark probably wasn’t really doing promotions for “Wheel of Fortune”.

It was Marie Osmond, and in fairness, I wasn’t that far off…

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Ice Ice Baby

Attention you sado-masochistic ice fisherman, you: it’s Spring, d*mmit. Long winter, I know. You’re an expert, I know. I know. I know. I know. And I don’t care.

Don’t look out the window, look at the calendar. It’s almost April. Dude, once you can auger through the ice with the corkscrew on your pocketknife, it’s time to either pack up your jigs for the year or move to Siberia or, if you’re really hard-core… the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Otherwise, one of you boneheads is going to fall through into the lake and take up valuable news broadcast time that could be better spent on… er– okay, that’s a bad way to make my point.

But here’s the thing: No matter how sympathetic your story is portrayed in the media, if you drown while ice fishing in the spring I guarantee you that the common (and proper) reaction from everybody who hears about it is going to be shrugged shoulders and incredulous mutterings like:

What the h*ll was he doing out on the ice this time of year ANYWAY?”

There is ONE exception, though. If you can escape unharmed, by all means put your new 2008 F550 Turbo Diesel through the thinning ice so we can watch them winch it out while various panfish flop around in your quad-cab. THAT, my friend, is news worth watching…

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Post of the Week

PKAguy: “Just glad the ban on porn failed. Phew that was a close one.”

Thanks to PKAguy for rescuing an otherwise insipid thread.

Bandemonium threatens to reach epidemic proportions these days, but in these forums at least, cooler heads are prevalent…

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Housewives, Wash your Melons

What? What’d I say? Just providing a community service by relaying this health warning to you. Sheesh…

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But He Couldn’t Get a Hunting License
So which is more dangerous? Hunters or lawyers?

The Wisconsin State Supreme Court ruled that felonious Democrat Gary George can have his law license back. The court was “…influenced by the fact that this is the only disciplinary complaint filed against (him) since he was admitted to practice law in Wisconsin some 29 years ago.”

It’s hardly a stretch then, to imagine a time in the future when a lawyer convicted of murder is standing before some review board pleading passionately: “C’mon… I killed ONE guy in my entire thirty years as an attorney and you’re trying to revoke my license forever? That seems a little harsh, doesn’t it?”

In fairness, Gary George probably hasn’t killed anybody. Plus, I hear he’s a really NICE felon…

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Water They Trying to Do?

The city of Waukesha will spend about eight weeks this year opening and closing 1900 fire hydrants to flush the water mains.

Why? The general manager of the Water Utility explained that if they don’t, residents’ water might occasionally appear discolored from mineral deposits.

Waukesha made this announcement so that people wouldn’t be alarmed. Alarmed by what, you ask? Well it seems that because of the flushing process, city residents’ water might occasionally appear discolored from mineral deposits.

Along that same line of reasoning, I’m formally offering to cut down all of Waukesha’s trees before they die and fall over by themselves. We all have to do our part…

-jjg