MADISON, WI [ LINK : Capital Times ]  Alderwoman Brenda Konkel recognizes what most of us are too sane to accept:  that the best way to fight homelessness is to let bums pee anywhere they want.

She cites our tolerance of public canine urination as a double standard.  Surely we can’t expect more from man than we do from man’s best friend.  That’s a lot of unfair peer pressure on the dogs.  Or in this case, “pee-er” pressure, I guess.

I’m all in favor of this Aldermaniac’s proposal to treat bums like dogs.  Let the homeless pee anywhere.  Allow them to romp through the park without pants on.  I want to watch one try to go down a hot slide on the playground naked.

Okay, I know dogs don’t do that, but still… fun to watch.

There will have to be conditions, of course.  If street people are to be extended the privileges that dogs enjoy, they need to be bound by the same restrictions.  Rights and responsibilities, after all, go hand in– um, paw.

The homeless will need to start obeying the leash, collar, and tag/licensing laws.  If you want to adopt one, you have to have it fixed.  If my Frisbee gets away from me, I expect one of them to bring it back to me in their teeth.  And no more asking me for a dollar.  If they want to beg, they need to get up on their hind legs looking pitiful, and they should act overjoyed when I throw them the uneaten stub from a bratwurst bun.

Don’t jump all over ME for de-humanizing these people.  Prior to the Alderwoman’s persuasive argument, I used to prefer to treat the homeless like human beings.  I also preferred not to shield them from the stigma related to their plight, because I know how motivational societal intolerance can be toward shaking up a street person’s screwed up worldview and forcing them to re-evaluate their situation, re-ject their self-delusions, and re-pair their lives.

I know bums, and I understand bums, because I was a bum.  But I’m not any more, and I’m proud of that.  I was, admittedly, never an alderwoman.  I guess I’m proud of that, too.

They treat people like animals…

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