WISCONSIN [ LINK : TwinCities.com ] If Aaron Rodgers hasn’t convinced you that Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy aren’t the biggest boobs in Wisconsin, perhaps Hugh Hefner can.
His upcoming Playboy® Magazine “Girls of the Big Ten” issue features at least two lovely models from the University of Wisconsin whose fathers are no doubt torn between being horrified by the sexual exploitation of their little girls, and simultaneously relieved that their daughters can afford to pay their own damn tuition now.
This sort of thing has to kick a Dad’s internal rationalization machinery into high gear. Left-Wing Liberal Dad will likely offer the more traditional platitudes about it being “her body” and this being a chance to celebrate the sensual beauty of the nude human form. Admittedly though, most (less lascivious) “celebrations” usually involve people pumping their fists in the air.
Right-Wing Capitalist Dad has a different conundrum entirely. About the best spin HE can put on the whole photo shoot thing is to jokingly refer to it as her “Initial Public Offering”, although then he has to worry about how many of his friends and co-workers want to get in on her ground floor.
We’re told that the magazine will also feature girls from the University of Minnesota, which is an irrefutable testament to the miracle of the new industrial-grade line of Lady Bic® shavers, liposuction, and of course, Photoshop™.
There are, as you may know, eleven colleges in the “Big Ten”. This is why I never got my degree. I was afraid that, if I stayed in school too long, I might start to understand weird sh*t like that. Once you get a brain to accept the notion that “11 = 10″, it’s not a very big leap over to “57 states in the union” or “taxing the oil companies will lower gas prices”. Next thing you know, you’re so “smart” that you’ve got an “Obama ’08″ bumper sticker on the back of your Subaru.
But I’ll never have that kind of intellect, and frankly, I couldn’t be happier about it. In fact, I’m overjoyed.
So excuse me while I pump my fist in, um, celebration…
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