MILWAUKEE, WI [ JG ] – Prior to this past week, the last time I’d eaten at Conejitos was more than a decade ago.  Maybe two.

And granted, I was pretty wasted in the 80s, so maybe everything tasted better.  Then again, if the food back then was as awful as it is now, I’m pretty sure I’d have had to overdose to enjoy it.  I can only surmise that the joint has gone downhill since then.  [ Translation for my Hispanic readers:  El Conejitos es mucho sucko hoy. ]

I suppose the first red flag was when I asked for spicy salsa, and was told “some people think it’s mild and some people think it’s spicy”.

I stared blankly at the waitress who offered this explanation until she confessed “We only have one kind”.  That turned out to be the watery, awful barely edible kind.

Red flag #2:  No jalepeños.  I’ll type that again, in case it was lost on some.  No jalepeños at a Mexican restaurant.  None.  Ghaaa!  Here’s the thing.  I like hot hot hot spicy hot “omigod how can you eat that” turn the roof of my mouth into skinflap stalagmites friggin’ food.

No jalepeños.

But in fairness, my food was hot.  Piping hot, as it had been microwaved to the point where it had become one with the paper plate it was served on.   Mmmm… fajitas con soggy papel.  Just like Mamacita used to make.  To punish me.

Full and honest disclosure requires me to admit that my girlfriend pretended to like her food.  She’s a trooper. [ Sp: la troopadora con una butta muy bonita. ]

There’s nothing on the menu that costs more than five bucks, but then again, how much should a person pay for cat litter on a plate?

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