Below is a list of everybody you should vote for. And in case you don’t, I’ll be casting several hundred absentee ballots to make up for your piss-poor judgment.
Remember, thinking for yourself is over-rated. That’s why God* invented the Internet (*read: “Al Gore”). Much like the government, I’ve done all your thinking for you.
Gubner : Scott Walker
We have the same college degree;
Vice Gubner : Rebecca Kleefisch
How often does anyone named “Becky” get elected?
Plus, I mean, c’mon… mrrrrow! Naughty kitty;
Attorney General : J. Gravelle ***WRITE ME IN!!!***
As a rule, attorneys are a-holes.
Thus, I am highly (and quite probably over-)qualified;
Secretary of State : David King
Every so often, a king should be demoted to secretary.
Let him learn a little humility;
State Treasurer : Kurt Schuller
Unlike Barrett, he ADMITS he doesn’t want
the job he’s running for;
Senator : Ron Johnson
Russ Feingold already calls himself “nobody’s senator”, so let’s help him realize that goal;
Congressional District 1 : Joe Kexel
Face it : Paul Ryan’s a walk-in. I’ma throw JK mad props for taking a shot;
Congressional District 2 : An Egg McMuffin
I dunno Theron or Lee. But I’m damn sure more fond of McBreakfasts than I am of Tammy Effing Baldwin;
Congressional District 3 : Another Egg McMuffin
Ditto, as above. Plus, I had a “buy-one-get-one” coupon;
Congressional District 4 : Dan Sebring
Prettier than Gwen Moore. And never has a bad hair day;
Congressional District 5 : J. Gravelle
Yeah, me again. C’mon, already! Write me in!!! Let’s keep that Sensenbrenner guy honest.
(Hey Jim, NOW can we get outta the effin’ U.N.?!)
Congressional District 6 : Tom Petri
I hear his daughter’s quite a dish.
HA! Get it? Petri dish? Oh man, I kill me; and
Congressional District 7 : Sean Duffy
I just like to say “Duffy”. Makes me giggle…
If you’re either a poll worker OR
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