DELAFIELD, WI [ LINK : JSOnline / Laurel Walker ]  Next month, while Milwaukee voters contend with leftist performance artists haranguing them with politically provocative polling-place pant-O-mime, suburbanites will themselves have to run a hellish gauntlet of smiles, hellos, and oatmeal cookies just to cast their votes.

This, of course, is intolerable, and thus a protest has been filed.  Yes, a formal complaint has been issued in an attempt to curtail smiling poll greeters and their evil cookies.

Let’s go over this again, more slowly this time lest the nuance be lost:

“Performance Art” you may or may not know, is usually an act so tedious, horrific, or both, that nobody would voluntarily pay money to go see it.  My attempts at standup comedy on open mic amateur nights, for example, were quite nearly “performance art”.  Had I urinated on the audience, it would have been “avant garde”.  Frankly, I’d have likely gotten a better crowd response.  And quite possibly, a government grant.

I’d might also have been granted permission to subject captive Milwaukee area voters to my “act”.  Conversely, a friendly greeting accompanied by bakery at the suburban polls is unwarranted and illicit politicking, worthy of a formal complaint.

So essentially, voters in Delafield might obtain court ordered protection from being offered milk and cookies while just up the road, performance “artists” throughout Milwaukee County could (with the government’s blessing, mind you) be stuffing Twinkies into one another’s socks and muttering Gregorian-sounding chants like: “Ohhhhh-bahhhh-mahhhh essss Dohhhh-meeeee-nayyyyyyy…”.

In the event you find yourself harassed by one of these performers, you can report them to the polling place marshals, the elections board, or even the police.  But try not to smile at them and for God’s sake, whatever you do…

…don’t offer them a cookie.

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